Getting to know Facebook…

Some of you may have heard about Facebook.  It's on an online social networking site that allows you to share pictures, stories and comments on a streamlined web based account.  As the popularity of the site has increased, it was bound to be a target for commentary from popular media. 

Here is a top ten list on getting to know Facebook:

1. Facebook is about finding people you've lost track of. And we've lost track of more people than you've ever met. Remember who you went to prom with junior year? See, we don't. We've gone through multiple schools, jobs and marriages. Each one of those came with a complete cast of characters, most of whom we have forgotten existed. But Facebook never forgets.  (I've personally caught up with several people I thought I'd never hear from again, so I can attest this is quite accurate.)
2. We're no longer bitter about high school. You're probably still hung up on any number of petty slights, but when that person who used to call us that thing we're not going to mention here, because it really stuck, asks us to be friends on Facebook, we happily friend that person. Because we're all grown up now. We're bigger than that. Or some of us are, anyway. We're in therapy, and it's going really well. These are just broad generalizations. Next reason.  (Ok… so maybe I'm not as grown up as the author thinks I should be.  I have ignored friend requests from old high school and college acquaintances because I wanted to keep it to a true friend list and not an online popularity.  Really, no hard feelings.)
3. We never get drunk at parties and get photographed holding beer bottles in suggestive positions. We wish we still did that. But we don't.  (Some people on Facebook – read my college age cousins – have not understood that this profile will be able to live on and be seen by recruiters and employers for years to come.)
4. Facebook isn't just a social network; it's a business network. And unlike, say, college students, we actually have jobs. What's the point of networking with people who can't hire you? Not that we'd want to work with anyone your age anyway. Given the recession–and the amount of time we spend on Facebook–a bunch of hungry, motivated young guns is the last thing we need around here.  (I have heard of two people reaching out, via Facebook, trying to connect to old friends in attempt to find a job.  Can't blame them one bit, in this economy you'll do anything you can to find a job.)
5. We're lazy. We have jobs and children and houses and substance-abuse problems to deal with. At our age, we don't want to do anything. What we want is to hear about other people doing things and then judge them for it. Which is what news feeds are for.  (Long story on how Facebook works, but the short version is that Facebook is pretty easy to setup and get started.)
6. We're old enough that pictures from grade school or summer camp look nothing like us. These days, the only way to identify us is with Facebook tags.  (Which for some of us is a good thing, while other have not aged so gracefully and should consider just having text updates and stop drinking so much alcohol – see #3.)
7. We have children. There is very little that old people enjoy more than forcing others to pay attention to pictures of their children. Facebook is the most efficient engine ever devised for this.  (The only thing better is to have your own blog and a captive audience expecting pictures of their grandchildren instead of long articles about a website they care nothing about.)
8. We're too old to remember e-mail addresses. You have to understand: we have spent decades drinking diet soda out of aluminum cans. That stuff catches up with you. We can't remember friends' e-mail addresses. We can barely remember their names.  (Which, if you spent more than 10 minutes on Facebook, would total understand.)
9. We don't understand Twitter. Literally. It makes no sense to us.  (Ok, some of us do.  That's where those little 1-2 sentence comments you see in the upper right come from.  See… you learned something new today.  Don't you fell proud.)
10. We're not cool, and we don't care. There was a time when it was cool to be on Facebook. That time has passed. Facebook now has 150 million members, and its fastest-growing demographic is 30 and up. At this point, it's way cooler not to be on Facebook. We've ruined it for good, just like we ruined Twilight and skateboarding.  (Twilight… a movie that was originally supposed to be a big hit with the teen scene, but ended having a larger audience of 30 something soccer Moms.  You know who you are!) 

Just in case you're curious, here's a link to my Facebook page – Jason's Facebook.  Note, you'll need to log into Facebook to see the full page.  When you do, please drop me a friend request – gotta boost my friend numbers.  Just kidding

Originally from Time.com.